“Nope, that’s it I’m done. I’m deleting all my post about Christianity and anything to do with my relationship with the Lord.”
I had my mind made up as I told my mom I was no longer going to blog about my walk and my journey. She replied asking me if I was sure. She told me that maybe this was the devil distracting me from what I was called to do. I automatically got defensive with her response and in that moment I told myself I wasn’t looking back. “My mom wasn’t right, nope not this time and I knew I was sure.”
Well, fast forward to today and my mom was right… yet again. God never left my side… yet again. He spoke to me in a way that came rushing over me with love, like a light bulb turned on, and it just clicked… yet again.
It was an average day of me picking the house up, working on my laptop, and getting ready, and yes all at once (hashtag mom life). I’m not quite sure how this thought came to me, but boy when it came. It came hard.
You are healthy. You are breathing.
Those two things that can seem so simple. Those two things that most of us take for granted. Came to my mind. I instantly turned on worship music and started praising God for everything.
I went from telling myself I was no longer going to public speak about God to being in awe of who He is all over again. And EVERY TIME He speaks to me and shows Himself I get super excited and feel the need to tell everyone. This time though, I didn’t want to tell anyone. This cycle has been going on ever since I first met God. I fall in love, then turn my back. I get so nervous to even speak to Him again because I’m afraid for the moment of when I deny Him again. Like Lord how can you continue chasing after me while I’m running away from you? Lord, how can I go back to you after what I just did?
But in the moments of being unsure, not knowing what’s going to happen, sinning, and every other moment in between I have to go back. I’d rather have my fire for Christ then to be in a dark place.
When I have a fire to worship Christ
Life makes sense, I’m at peace,
When I’m in a dark place
Its me trying to everything on my own.
Things are always better when relationship with God is tight, yet I at some point I break loose. Then when I’m loose I feel like I can’t go back. That He won’t want me back. But that’s not true at all. The lyrics below are what I turn to every time I feel myself losing hope and losing fire to serve God.
Tears running down your face
And your heart feelin’ like it’s gon’ break
And your earth feels like it’s ’bout to shake
And you’ve taken all that you can take
Just remember where your help comes from
Realizing you got somewhere to run
Don’t worry ’bout what you’re going through
Instead of worrying, here’s what you can do
Praise him anyway
In the middle of it
Side note: This post has been in my draft box for some months now. During these months I come to realize that I just need to put my testimony out there. I did and I think my testimony explains my struggle perfectly. I now feel the fire I once had for God and it’s so amazing friends. You too can fuel this fire too, but let me just say this… it is an everyday battle.
- Wake up and choose God by praying, worshipping, and/or doing a devotional
- Choose God throughout your day by keeping Him on your mind, surrounding yourself with Christ followers, thanking Him for every great thing that happens, hanging up bible verses, and staying focused.
- Before you go to sleep at night, choose God by again, praying, worshipping, and/or doing a devotional.
My friend and fellow blogger, Kaitlin Chappell, always pops up on my timeline to remind me of how sweet Jesus is. I deemed her to be an amazing fit to preach to you all about moments of confusion through our walk with Christ.
God never said it would be easy, being a Christian.
He never said, “Follow me and live a pain-free life!”
He said, “Take up your cross and follow me.”
Deciding to commit your life to Christ might come with more trials than you would have faced had you decided not to. There will be spiritual battles, physical battles, mental battles, emotional battles and more.
Sounds like a lot of fun, huh?
What makes it worth it is the prize at the end of this race. When you decide to let Jesus reign over your heart, you have the promise of eternity in Heaven living a life we can’t even fathom.
Another plus? Peace and joy that surpass the understanding the human mind. It won’t make sense to anyone around you that you can have joy through trials, but you will know Who it’s coming from.
I think people look at Christians and assume we are just always on top of the world singing praise and worship songs will all the best friends we made at church. And that is true some of the time, but there are lots of lows that Christians experience just like everyone else.
Depression is real. Comparison is real. Divorce is real. Debt is real. Death is real. Jealousy is real. Anxiety is real.
But none of those things are from God and they have all been defeated by Him.
And if you’re struggling to accept their defeat and accept your victory, you are not alone.
I think it’s so important to know that Christians still struggle. It’s easy to give up if you start to struggle and feel like you’re the only one, but you’re not, friend. You are surrounded by other followers of Jesus who face difficult times, too. And if you read The Bible, you will find a whole lot of imperfect people struggling and choosing Jesus anyway.
Life can just be plain hard sometimes. Church can be hard. Friendships can be hard. Marriage can be hard. Work can be hard. Getting out of bed can be hard.
There have been seasons of my life when I didn’t want to go back to church. There have been seasons when I didn’t want to get out of bed. There have been seasons when my job was absolutely draining me. There have been seasons when my friendships seemed to fall apart all around me. There have been so many seasons of struggle, but the key is: you cannot quit.
It sounds simple, but it’s not. It’s so much easier to throw the towel in and give up. It’s way easier to just lay in bed and throw yourself a pity party. And it definitely takes less energy to just be alone and wallow in the negativity. But none of those things will make your life better – trust me, I’ve tried them all.
If you’re struggling in your walk with God, and need a few simple steps to remind yourself Who He is, try listing all His names out loud and see if you don’t feel a powerful peace wash over you.
Yahweh, Jehovah, King, Comforter, Father, Redeemer, Counselor, Healer, Friend, El Roi. And there are so many more.
Get in the habit of reading your Bible every day, even if you have to start out with only one verse. You’ll get addicted and crave more of His wisdom.
And go to church. Just go. You don’t have to be on the front row and serve at every event. Just go. You will find yourself wanting to serve on teams and be more involved the more you just go.
One more thing – surround yourself with people you fill up your cup and serve as arrows that point you to your true North, which is always Jesus. There are people you encourage and that is so great, but please make sure you have encouragers around you as well. You can’t pour out if you aren’t being poured into.
Please remember that your struggle season is not forever, even if it seems that way. You may not see the reasons for your struggles or the fruits of your labor this side of Heaven, but you will on the other side.John 14:2-4 says, “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.You know the way to the place where I am going.”And Matthew 5:12 says, “Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven…”On our toughest days, we can find one thing to rejoice about, and that is Heaven and the promise of living in the presence of God forever.No struggle has ever been so great that it was not nailed to the cross and left there to die. Because the only thing that rose from death was and is Jesus, not your sins and not your strife, only Jesus.Keep going.
To read the rest of the “To The Person…” series, click below.
To The Person Who Deals With Social Anxiety
To The Mom Who’s Not Quite Sure What To Do With Her Body
To The Go Getter Who Wants To Do It All
To The Christian Who’s Struggling