When I got pregnant, I knew things would change.
Turns out everything did. Getting ready in the mornings, going out, sleeping… everything. Well, one thing that I found to be not only a huge support but something that is necessary. A shift in friendships.
” I lost some friends along the way when I became pregnant, but more now that I’m a mom. Some just can’t understand how you don’t have all the time anymore to go out of the house. And some just seem to feel that you are out of their league because you are now considered a ‘proper’ adult, being married and a mom and all.”
-Kristenne from www.misisblog.com.
This could not be more true, especially being 22 years old. Most people my age are either still in college, just graduating, or simply going with the flow of life. I feel like I was put into this category by some of my ex friends and made out to be a changed person. Yes, my daughter is now my number one priority, but as for my personality, I am still me. If anything, I am an enhanced me. My daughter has done nothing but bring out the best in me- more love and more motivation.
Thankfully I do have one good friend, Tiffany, who has a daughter named Brighton. Brighton is two years old. I knew Tiffany the day she found out she was pregnant and have stayed friends with her ever since. Recently we met up for coffee. She does live in another state so we met half way, making it a two-hour drive. It was nice to get my daughter, Riley Blake out of the house but it was not the easiest. When arriving, I gave Tiffany the spill on how the drive went. She understood exactly. Brighton instantly fell in love with Riley Blake though, making it all worth it. It was so great to have our babies connect while we, too, got to connect.
“After becoming a mom my friendships have become more about the kids. I occasionally see friends who aren’t in this season of life yet, but not a whole lot. Most of my friendships now are built around the kids. I am an introvert as well, so making new friends isn’t always easy. My Mom play dates are usually meeting up for the kids to play. We chat while we try to keep an eye on our kids. It is always so refreshing to have someone I can relate to. Motherhood is so hard, and it’s nice to be around others who understand this.”
–Ashley from mommyonthemound.com
Finally getting out of the house to meet with others who know exactly what life is like with a child is incredible. I get to vent, laugh, and not feel crazy when Riley throws a fit. I am with someone who understands what it’s like to have people stare when your baby cries. Understanding what’s like to be late. To have your hair quickly tied up with a simple t-shirt and jeans on because your baby decided to give you a hard time that morning while getting ready… and if your hair isn’t pulled up it may or may not get yanked out by your little one.
It is so refreshing.
My friends who don’t have kids or aren’t used to them don’t realize what it’s like. Which is okay to an extent, but they don’t always understand that I have to stop often to feed and change Riley while we are out. I will have a huge bag filled with just about everything incase an accident happens. Riley Blake will cry… and she may not stop. And I will more than likely forget to text you back or reply days later.
Kristenne from www.misisblog.com says it best, “I feel it’s so important to have mom friends because you can’t really raise your kids alone. You need a support system, someone you could ask for advice when things get confusing (which is most of the time). Mom friends are great too because they understand how you can’t be on social media all the time, or that being on your phone and answering messages and calls are things you honestly forget to do when you’re so busy. They also understand special arrangements when you have a kid in tow, like the logistics, not being in a crowded place, availability of breastfeeding stations, etc.”
Having a mom friend is comforting.
It’s nice to know that I am not alone. We can just give each other that look and know what the other is thinking. There will be no judgement. We get each other out of our funk. You know that funk of being thrown around a hundred different ways and feeling like you just want to scream at the top of your lungs. That funk where you just need an adult conversation. That funk of seeing other moms on Instagram and thinking “how?!” The funk of feeling lonely, although you never really are alone.
Friends are important.
In general having a friend by your side is awesome. During motherhood, it’s even better.
According to fellow blogger, Megan Johnson, “a 10-year study by the Centre for Ageing at Flinders University found that a network of friends was more important than close family relatives in prolonging life. People aged over 70 with an extensive network tended to live 22 per cent longer than those with less extensive networks.”
Here is how you can get connected with other moms.
- Join a breastfeeding group. For those of you who breastfeed, you can check at your hospital or google breastfeeding groups nearby.
- Download the Peanut app. This is Tinder for mommas!
- Check for Meetups. Meetups is where you can find all sorts of ongoing meetings. Sign up and search for Mom Meetups in your area.
- Check for Facebook groups. I searched my town’s name and added the word mom to it, then long and behold I found a group! USA Today lays out how to do this here.
- See if there is a Moms Club chapter close by.
“Mommin ain’t easy y’all,” but with your friend by your side it makes things a little better!